I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
