discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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