oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
