Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
