is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
