You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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