ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
