I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
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