How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
