Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
