Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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