imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
