bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
