No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
