elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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