ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
