this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
