God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
is it fun? or sober?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
