Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Drunk walkin through police station. America
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
