Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Randomize
