my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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