Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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