Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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