new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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