it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
