What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
