i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
