there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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