on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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