Your favorite bartender is back from prision
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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