Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
