I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
