I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
