Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
