I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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