its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Randomize
