that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
