just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
