If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
