i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
