12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
