I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
