Your face is a jimmy john
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
