friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
