what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
