you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Randomize
