Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
