summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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