Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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