God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Found your dick twin last night
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
